前幾天跟單員小美發(fā)信息來(lái)求教，今天一早又打電話來(lái)求救了，聽(tīng)著她幾乎語(yǔ)無(wú)倫次的講述，就算是隔著電話，我仿佛能看到她焦慮的表情。
長(zhǎng)話短說(shuō)，我梳理了一下小美面臨的問(wèn)題：工廠在出貨的時(shí)候才發(fā)現(xiàn)裝柜數(shù)量與L/C標(biāo)明的合同數(shù)量不一致。小美希望通過(guò)和客戶溝通，讓客戶私下里接受這些不符點(diǎn)，而不至于讓銀行因?yàn)椴环c(diǎn)而扣款（畢竟銀行在信用證不符點(diǎn)的扣款這方面從來(lái)都不會(huì)手軟），但是客戶一直都沒(méi)有回復(fù)她的郵件。

于是，我讓小美把她寫(xiě)給客戶的郵件內(nèi)容發(fā)給我看看。以下是郵件截圖：

裝柜數(shù)量與L/C標(biāo)明的合同數(shù)量不一致，給客戶發(fā)郵件如何寫(xiě) ...-1.jpg (94.07 KB, 下載次數(shù): 0)

下載附件

2022-6-13 19:15 上傳

郵件分析：
首先，在我讀來(lái)，小美的郵件里的口氣并不是著急的；
其次，郵件結(jié)尾也沒(méi)有要求客戶回復(fù)，看上去就是一封告知情況的郵件而已。
以下是我?guī)退薷暮蟮泥]件：
Dear Elmin,
Hope you are doing well.
Last Friday, we have loaded Order ITF2102.We are sorry to inform you that we found below situation of this loaded container:
1- Due to the container space limited, 22 cartons of 307C -30*50m couldn't be loaded into the container. (Kindly find the loading pictures in the attachment, please.)
2- 2 extra cartons of 45B-48*35m have been loaded into the container.
1- 22 cartons of 307C -30*50m will be shipped together with next order ITF2103. In order to be consistent with the customs declaration for this shipment, the amount of these 22 cartons will be counted in this shipped order ITF2102. And the PI of ITF22102 will not be revised.
2- 2 extra cartons of 45B-48*35m in this container will be free of charge.
Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Please inform if our advices work for you. Look forward to your prompt reply.
Sincerely yours,
郵件寫(xiě)作思路分析：
Dear Elmin,
Hope you are doing well.

郵件一開(kāi)始的問(wèn)候，會(huì)緩和氣氛，畢竟接下來(lái)要和客戶溝通的話題可不是一臺(tái)愉悅的話題。

Last Friday, we have loaded Order ITF2102.

直接說(shuō)“上周五我們裝柜了”，而不是像小美說(shuō)的，arrange to load，小美的這個(gè)說(shuō)法在這里是不恰當(dāng)?shù)?，“安排去裝柜”，請(qǐng)問(wèn)到底是裝了或是沒(méi)裝??？周五裝柜的？或是周五才做的裝柜安排？

We are sorry to inform you that we found below situation of this loaded container:

這個(gè)句子中，我用situation替代了problem，這是陳述一臺(tái)中性的情況，而不是告訴客戶我們這邊出現(xiàn)了問(wèn)題，畢竟裝柜出現(xiàn)的數(shù)量不符，不是工廠主觀意愿的。
關(guān)于盡量少用problem這個(gè)詞，我專門(mén)寫(xiě)一篇文章：外貿(mào)高手溝通小細(xì)節(jié)，說(shuō)challenge，不說(shuō)problem，有什么區(qū)別？

1- Due to the container space limited, 22 cartons of 307C -30*50m couldn't be loaded into the container. (Kindly find the loading pictures in the attachment, please.)
2-2 extra cartons of 45B-48*35m have been loaded into the container.

小美寫(xiě)的TO Solve，這個(gè)地方是不恰當(dāng)?shù)?，而且O和S字母都大寫(xiě)也是不對(duì)的。既然是詢問(wèn)客戶是否能接受我們提出的解決方案，就應(yīng)該使用“suggestion” 或“advice”這類詞匯。

1- 22 cartons of 307C -30*50m will be shipped together with next order ITF2103. In order to be consistent with the customs declaration for this shipment, the amount of these 22 cartons will be counted in this shipped order ITF2102. And the PI of ITF22102 will not be revised.

這部分內(nèi)容，原來(lái)小美寫(xiě)的就比較Chinglish，我根據(jù)她要表達(dá)的意思，重寫(xiě)了這段。

2- 2 extra cartons of 45B-48*35m in this container will be free of charge.

盡管小美的老板說(shuō)這兩箱額外的貨是免費(fèi)贈(zèng)送給客戶的，我們也不可以用gift這個(gè)詞啊。gift是禮物，這額外多裝進(jìn)柜子里的兩箱貨能當(dāng)禮物嗎？

Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Please inform if our advices work for you. Look forward to your prompt reply.

郵件結(jié)尾，先寫(xiě)一句表示道歉的話，如果帶來(lái)什么不便請(qǐng)?jiān)?，然后再詢?wèn)客戶是否接受我們的建議，最后表明我們需要收到客戶的及時(shí)回復(fù)。

Sincerely yours,
歡迎在評(píng)論區(qū)留言討論。

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